History: 32 year old female: 20 year eating disorder (primaries: binge eating and compulsive overeating, but also shorter periods of bulimia and fasting. Eating disorder combined with depression, social anxiety, and cutting myself in my teen years. In the past 2 years, panic attacks were experienced and an increased consumption of alcohol (in the last 6 months almost drinking daily). Only had one romantic relationship due to the inability to communicate and share intimacy. All other energy that I had was turned towards work and became a severe workaholic for the past 6 years. Methods I have used to help myself had been: traditional therapy, group retreat self-development work, Overeaters Anonymous, hiring personal trainers, buying ready-made foods to control my eating, anti-depressants like Prozak for a few months and Xanax, an anti-anxiety med. I would also tend to overuse prescription painkillers when I would want to feel numb. I came to Monte Vista based on their description on the internet of their ‘Life Course’ – I didn’t know where else to turn because my life was falling apart and I knew inside I was dying and at 32, I didn’t know how much longer I could live my life this way.
Experience
It came as a gentle and soft start, and extremely relaxing. Even though I worked on all my intentions, I really didn’t believe anything would work and this would just be a disappointing experience. In fact, I wanted to prove to Norman just how lame this plant medicine really was so I was determined not to be taken by the experience. However, as it started, I couldn’t help just going along with it because the sensations felt so incredibly good. I did not remember the last time I felt this good. Then the vibrations came, pulsating gently throughout the body and lasted for the next few hours. At first there were no visuals and I thought it was a bit boring. Then the action started. It first took me through a journey inside my body where it showed me in detail how all the parts of my body down to the cellular level are interrelated. I felt so humbled and appreciative of how hard my body had worked for me and wanted to work for me even though I had treated it with disgust and vicious eating patterns for twenty years. My first visual of the images I would be seeing against a black background came about as cartoon characters. There were a few cells in my stomach that looked like caricatures of large workman. They shouted to my mouth ‘Hey! We need some help down in here!’ I then felt assured that the Iboga would address my digestive problems that my eating disorder had caused.
A soft female voice began to guide me through the visuals I was about to see. I felt a bit cheated that there was only a voice, and I wanted a figure or character like I heard other people had had. All of a sudden, the voice became a fairy (like Tinkerbell in ‘Peter Pan’) with illuminated pearl-like wings and she stayed with me throughout the rest of my experience. Not believing that Iboga would really go through all my intentions as I had written 11 pages of them, I started to remind her of all the intentions that I wanted covered. In a soothing voice, she assured me that they would all be covered in some way or another. It would later show me some of the intentions that I had just were not as important as I thought, and others would be left up to me to work on, but that it would all be ok. My mind relaxed from that point on.
I saw a ridiculous clown with a huge red wing running after a silly dog – it looked like it was coming from the outside of my body and going into my brain. I remember this scene just being so funny and I wasn’t sure why I was seeing it as it wasn’t part of my intentions. I asked the fairy why I was seeing it and she said ‘Oh, that’s play!’. I realized that one of my intentions was to be able to relax more and to have fun in life. It was then that I really knew that Iboga was something else! Another clear visual I remember was seeing a bunch of big strong cartoon like cells hanging onto one end of a big lever. As I watched them, their weight was driving the lever down notch by notch until it ended up in a neutral position. I asked the cells what they were doing. They all turned to me at once and said in unison ‘Oh! We’re lowering your expectations!’ This was significant later when I looked back on it because I could finally see that all during my life my expectations were so high, I would never reach them which kept me in a state of perpetual unhappiness.
It began to show me different scenes from my childhood – one in particular where my mother was in the hospital and my father gathered all the kids together in the living room to pray for her. I remembered this clearly from my past and all of a sudden, I was able to actually feel the enormous love that my father had for my mother. I was able to see that although my parent’s marriage was a disaster which had turned me off from the idea of marriage, that the love that he had for my mother was real and infinite – it was just that she hated herself so much, she was never able to accept the love that he offered. I saw how my grandmother and parents grew up – how hard their life was in childhood. It created a compassion that I did not have before because not only could I see this history, I was able to feel it and it really grieved my heart.
During therapy, Norman mentioned that I had a lot of contained rage which I could not see or find a reason for. I asked the fairy to show me my rage. I remember soon after watching a shockingly gory movie on the blackscreen. There was someone with a chainsaw that was dismembering a body – I watched as it was slicing the head off, blood spurting and pouring out everywhere. Piece by piece the body was being sawed apart and then the person began to unravel the insides of the body like pulling out the intestines. I remember looking away because I didn’t understand why in my Iboga experience I was watching a horror movie. When I looked back, the movie was still playing so I asked the fairy to make it stop because it seemed irrelevant, and I wanted to know who was the crazy person using the chainsaw. A loud voice came out of nowhere and shouted ‘You!’. I still didn’t understand what it was talking about and then it shouted even louder ‘YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!’. It was like a lightbulb had exploded inside of me and I realized I was watching my rage and the rage was all about how much I hated myself – I was completely horrified at how, without even consciously knowing, I had been mutilating myself time after time. It showed me how all the women on my mother’s side of the family had this hate, from my grandmother, to my all my aunts, my mother and my cousin. Then it gave me a warning that if I did not stop this, this hatred would also be passed down to my daughter if I were to have one.
After this shock, everything went back to being soothing and soft again. I remember asking the fairy some questions that I had struggled with in my life like ‘Why was I born a woman? I never felt feminine nor did I really want to be’, and ‘What is my purpose?’ and ‘What does Jesus have to do with all of this?’. The experience took a different turn and I felt my mind being carried higher and higher to a spiritual plane. It began by showing me the entire cycle of life from birth to death. I saw the entire Universe or Higher Consciousness – I almost felt enlightened when I began to understand that my concept of Christianity was so limited, that the God I had known was really this Infinite Absolute and that I was a part of that too – there was no separation between the two. I felt so warm and safe and I could feel this was a part of what the afterlife would be like. As I was processing all of this, I felt myself being connected to what I can only describe as a type of Mothership. When I was plugged in, I knew I was home. This is the essence of what the afterlife or beforelife must feel like. I was absolutely and utterly content, fulfilled, and at peace. It was like every desire and need was fulfilled and I was lacking nothing. Life on earth seemed to be light years away and when I thought back to what we are all conditioned to think is so important (ie. Money, power, clothes, cars, possessions, even being thin and cosmetic surgery) – is not really important at all in the bigger picture. The theme that began to float through my mind now was ‘It’s not that important’. All my concerns and even some of my intentions I was beginning to realize that it was not that important. My mind began to really grow and stretch beyond everything that I was taught up to this point. I never wanted to leave this place or ‘mothership’ – if this was what death feels like, I really was willing at this point to give up everything to stay in that place of perfect peace – it felt that good. It was perfection.
Then it showed me my birth – it was as though I saw my Creator plucking me out of this gel type substance and I was a fairy. I didn’t want to be that and I struggled against this visual because I thought a fairy was ‘weak’. What about being a powerful business woman, engaging in strategies that the ‘movers and shakers’ in life did? What about the aggression and competition that I had always associated with success in life? I was not willing to accept that after all this; I was just a fairy-type? It could not be!! It gently showed me that being a fairy did not mean that I was weak or less than. It also showed me that my purpose involved being a woman because that lightness, femininity, magic, and nurturing were traits of a woman. All my life because of my religious upbringing, I was conditioned to think that being a man was more important than being a woman. After all, I was taught that the woman only stayed at home, had babies, and always had to listen to her husband, that he would have the last word – the only power we had was possibly using our sexuality to manipulate situations and men. This experience took that all away and showed me the equality between everyone on earth – that there was value in being a fairy type and once I tapped into the strengths of what my role really was, I could make a tremendous difference in this world.
Because I had gone through much depression in my past and a long history with eating disorders, one of my intentions was to ask if my life prior to Iboga was a waste. The fairy began to take me back in my life and instead of showing me how poorly I had done in the past and how I had hurt people, it showed me all the people I had touched, all the good things I had done to improve people’s lives, no matter how small it was. I saw past friendships and interactions that I had forgotten about. One of my aches in my life was that I always felt alone and always felt lonely. The journey showed me how I was never alone and no one is ever alone on this earth – we might feel it, but you are not alone. I began to feel connected to everyone and everything on earth.
Then it began to instruct me on what living like a fairy meant. We soared through earth – I saw scenarios and situations with people and the fairy was teaching me how I should interact with others. That all I needed to do was to smile, be gentle, be soothing to others, speak kindly, and be a safe place where people can go. It showed me what love was, something I had never experienced before and only read about in books. It was showing me that my role was to be accepting of others, non-judgemental, warm, pleasant, creating magic where I went (just like the mythical fairies sprinkle their ‘fairydust’.). I was then transported back to the past where I saw harsh images of how I used to dress. I saw images of me wearing my oversize t-shirts, baggy pants, no makeup, my hair pulled back in a bun, and how I never put any care or thought into my appearance. It didn’t show me what I should dress like, but I knew I didn’t want to go back to wearing the baggy and shapeless clothes I used to wear.
This intention seemed trivial during my experience because of all that had been revealed to me, but I asked it anyway. I asked how to find a lifemate? The answer I got was ‘Just like you found Monte Vista. You will know where to go and what to do. When the time is right, everything will flow exactly like it should.’ I got a sense of peace about this that really, there wasn’t much that I should do – just be at peace, live my life, be open to all possibilities and if it is meant to happen, then it will. I got a clear understanding that it wasn’t about looks or if I was thin or not. All you have to do is take care of yourself. The attraction is based on people’s frequencies and energies and the cliché is true that ‘it only matters what is on the inside’.
All I can say was that my experience was so intense (yet very gentle) and comprehensive, that I felt I was literally healed on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level. Iboga is amazingly intelligent. I kept on thinking that in the Bible that Wisdom is called a ‘she’. Not a ‘he’ or an ‘it’. After my experience, this makes sense. Wisdom comes to you softly and tenderly, whispering in your ear. Wisdom to me reminded me of Mohini. I wanted to ask her when she came in the room, ‘How are you so wise?’ but I couldn’t because I couldn’t talk at the time. Before my experience, I did not understand how this clinic operated and how they worked, but after Iboga, this new world opened up to me. Physically as well, not only did my digestive system feel better after, but I had constant swelling in my right knee due to an injury I sustained a few months back. The doctor had said this swelling could stay indefinitely. Now, I don’t have any swelling in my right calf and knee and it feels more limber.
That night during the processing time, I found myself really thirsty. There was some juice in the room and when I took a sip, it was like every cell in my body screamed at once: ‘TOO SWEET!’ I literally could not take another sip and I had to wait until I could get some water. This was unheard of for me, since I had always had a food addiction to sweets and chocolate – the concept of ‘too sweet’ was not in my vocabulary. That night also, I felt like I was born again – I was just a baby and felt like I needed to be taken care of. However, even when I was asked if I was thirsty or hungry, I was unable to admit this and no words came out. That night, I lay in my bed, confused as to why I could not ask for food and water when I needed it. It showed me how I hated feeling helpless and during my whole life I maintained a life of strict independence so that I would need to depend on the fewest amount of people as possible. I was so hungry, thirsty, and felt so alone and helpless that I cried and cried into this deep void that I only read about in self-help books. I had found the bottomless pit, the dark void, and the deep recess of the mind that few people ever venture to go. I was there and I could do nothing but cry into the void. After, I surprisingly realized that I was ok – the darkness had not swallowed me. The demons had not come out of the shadows – in fact, there were no demons waiting for me. All there was after I cried my heart out was just me and silence, and I was ok with that. I had made peace with my fears.
Now, being a few days after the experience, I do feel like I am a completely different person. I simply don’t know how to be and act around myself or with other people. I can now make the distinction between what my conditioned mind thinks I ‘should’ do, but I now question many of my actions. Counseling is very important – I feel like I need to be hand held almost because I still don’t know how to be. I need to be re-taught everything! When I would see other people like Kate, I used to get jealous and paranoid thoughts. Now, there is no feeling except that fact that I know there is a person that I know I need to interact with, except I don’t know how! Even my old mannerisms are not me anymore – they are tied to my old thinking. I don’t even want to sit or hold my head in my hands like I used to because it just doesn’t fit. The outfit that I wore to my Iboga experiences (oversized X-L T-shirt, black shapeless pant) makes me nauseas – I literally do not even want to touch it. I am going to throw away all the clothes, shoes, and jewelry that don’t make me feel good anymore.
Norman:
Be Gentle With Yourself and Life: is that a major message?
Doris:
Yes. Absolutely. It seems so simple and goes against Western thinking of needing to have more and be more than your neighbor. That the way to success is to be competitive, aggressive, and think about only yourself because no one is going to do it for you. I just don’t feel that anymore. I know that the Universe will take care of me and that what I am supposed to do and have will happen – being gentle is now for me a better way of treating myself and life. Although I still do, I don’t think about the future as much as before because it seems so irrelevant. I have a confidence in God, Higher Power, whatever you want to call it that my life will unfold as it should and that I will never be lacking.
Norman:
While you are here with us, be here for you, not for the future.
Doris:
It also taught me how to deal with my thought patterns which come at me very fast. I always had mind chatter that never went away and exhausted me. The Iboga showed me how to stop my thought patterns that in a way all you have to do is to be aware of them and even to say ‘Stop’ and when it showed me this, I visually saw a thought stop in mid-sentence. I feel so delicate, physically fine – just inside delicate. I feel like I have to move step by step and so slowly. It’s funny, when I looked at my shoes today, I remembered when I brought them a week ago. I just picked out whatever shoes I saw hidden and dusty on the bottom of the shelves that fit my feet. That’s how much I hated myself – I put no thought in outward appearance. I started laughing because I saw today that they were blue and orange – the colors that I hate!
Norman:
Let us do a burning ceremony – burn the past.
Doris:
At home I will throw away all the clothes, jewelry, and shoes that I don’t make me feel good. Even if I’m left with only one outfit! I will wear that outfit everyday if I need to – as long as I feel good! Also, my eating – I now experience hunger pains where before I didn’t know what that meant – I just ate all the time! I had an Indian Rice plate with vegetables on the second day. It was literally an explosion of tastes which before would have been the most boring dish in the world. I thought I would be able to eat 3 plates of it. Surprisingly, halfway through, my body realized it was full and I just stopped eating. The compulsion to overeat was gone! I realize now that weight loss is no big deal – there is no rush. It will happen in time. Before, I wanted to have an amazing body. Now, that obsession is gone. I suppose if I am meant to achieve that in the future, it will happen without me being so rigid, inflexible, and miserable. But for right now, I don’t want to do it. There is an amazing sense of freedom that I now have – you just cannot buy this feeling anywhere. I really do feel free!
Mohini’s Ibogaine experience
When I first heard about Ibogaine, the news came to me from a former drug addict who had been clean from drugs since he had entered the spiritual path, but whose personality still displayed many addictive patterns. Therefore I was more than skeptical. I thought this Ibogaine plant medicine was just another excuse for him to get high, this time in the name of spirituality. He had claimed that Ibogaine had gotten people enlightened. Now, I have been on the spiritual path for most of my life and I have come across many techniques and people who promise enlightenment. I have also met many deeply disappointed spiritual seekers after spending years and years following a particular practice or teacher and finding themselves in their fifties with their ego still in their backpack. I dismissed it right away.
But my husband started to research it and came back with numerous reports of people having taken Ibogaine and describing their experience and the life changing effects it had on them and speaking of Ibogaine with great reverence. Most of the reports I found to be amazing to say the least. Over a period of several months we researched and evaluated our findings. At some point during the research phase I started becoming intrigued and feeling more and more that I wanted to find out for myself what Ibogaine can do. I was extremely scared though, because I had never been into drugs or alcohol and the loss of control was a very scary idea to me. It took me weeks to psychologically prepare myself for the event. I had chosen the last day of the annual Mother Divine festival according to the Hindu calendar hoping that millions of people praying to Mother Divine would propitiate a blessed atmosphere for my journey with the Ibogaine. I had also spent some time on clarifying my intention which was not so easy because I was not sure whether having an intention was actually important or not or whether I should just go into the experience as innocently as possible. In the end I did a little of both. My main intention was to loose my fear of death.
The day has arrived.
At 7.30 a.m. I took the Ibogaine HCl, 11mg per kg bodyweight, a light dose. A half hour before I had taken an anti-nausea pill. I had also done an enema to ensure that I would not have to deal with bowel movements at any time. I had had my last meal at 4 p.m. the day before.
For about an hour not much happened and I sat on the verandah with Norman staring into nature. I felt quite calm and surrendered. When I felt a change in my body sensation I laid down and closed my eyes. Almost immediately this questioning started to happen where I would look at many different concepts of mine that create my identity and dismiss them as: “this is not me, that is not me either.” I started experiencing a lot of fear at this point, because I realized that where I was going on this journey with Ibogaine I would not be able to take my ideas and concepts with me. I realized that even people are my concepts or my story. This caused me more fear. Because, if people were just my concepts, then I was truly alone. Then I realized on a very deep level what a teacher of mine always said: “when you realize that people are just your concept and you step out of their business (means stepping out of who you think they are), then you come back to yourself. My next thought was, if my husband, to who I am holding on to, is my concept, then what am I holding on to? Me? Who is this me or I? A concept? And if I am a concept, then where can we go from here? We cannot name it. Terminology is finite and words do not apply. We can only stop thinking and speaking and what is left is silence. At this point I realized that thoughts that form a concept create actual pain in my body. Up to this point I had still been relating all these thoughts and feelings to Norman. But now the experience became intensely physical. Before it was just been some energy waves in hands and arms. But now I felt flooded with an energy so physically intense that I held on to my husbands arms. I felt very afraid. I had to lie flat on my back. I badly wanted to move, but the slightest turn of the head did not agree with my stomach, so I decided to lay still. I lost the feeling of time during this phase. I could still speak though and I did. Later on I understood that the intense discomfort of the energy wave and the fear was caused because Ibogaine was increasing the vibrational rate of my body at a very high speed. Also Ibogaine pushed a lot of the excessive heat out of my body.
While the physical intensity was going on, I was still left with the question: “who am I?” and as my identities got stripped away, an intense fear was there, which was quite a surprise for me, because I had believed through most of my adult life that I was willing to shed my ego. In my inner vision I was looking at black space with orange yellowish particles moving around as if they were endless systems of stars and planets. I got no answer to my question though and I felt that perhaps the answer would come later.
At about 9 o’clock it started to rain. I could hear the electricity or vibration or frequency of the rain. In fact I could choose to experience the rain as particles or as energy. Norman asked me whether the noise of the tropical rain was too much and I told him: “Why shut something out that is.” A little later I asked for a little water, took it into my mouth and spat it out. I felt like I had to do this to reset a pattern that had started early in my childhood and caused me dehydration. At some point I got a picture of lots of junk rolling out of my mouth like lava stream of vomit, massive amounts of crap. And the physical sensation was highly intense and uncomfortable; I was afraid that I would get nauseous and end up vomiting. I tried to lie very still.
Some visuals started to happen, but mostly as in a negative photo and they did not seem to relate to me. I got one color visual of a blond Venus rising out of a shell in the sea waves. It looked a little bit like a cartoon. None of the visuals were frightening at all and it came to me that this was a small bonus of spending years of not watching violent movies, news reports on TV and instead living in nature, chanting holy mantras and occupying my mind with beautiful and uplifting thoughts and my daily activities centering around making my life and other peoples’ lives more beautiful and peaceful. We can turn everything into kindness and beauty, if that is where we put our attention. This is how we create our world. That recognition put a smile on my face. But, as I said; “no big deal”. Just a small bonus.
At some point I told Iboga: “let’s walk through this as friends.”
At 9.25 I was still dealing with my ideas and concepts, examining them. For example: if there can’t be a right or wrong, if everything is a personal experience. I am afraid of being alone- the biggest of all fears. That’s why I am afraid of death, because no 2 people do it together. Letting go and flowing with the journey is not easy for me. Letting go is not easy for me. I have to work at it. It embarrasses me.
9.40 I am watching my ego struggle. The intellect has an answer for everything. I told it to go and sleep. I have a fear of physical things as if they were bad.
10.10 Iboga appeared to me in the form of an alien that has gone into the plant. Iboga took my hand to walk with me and said: “I’ll even put my arm around you.” Strong boney creature from the grip of his arms around my shoulder, but felt completely benevolent and kind.
10.25 “let go and relax” was repeated like a mantra inside of me. Then I saw my ego in a casket, the lid was closed and the ego was dead. It looked like a tube. It might still try to toss and turn, but it was basically dead. I had turned on my side a while ago to alleviate the pain in my back and now I am moving around a lot, moving feels good. I don’t want to remain in any one position. I am still with the question: “what is the real me?” Then the answer comes that freedom is in the Now, always available, every moment. It is not a permanent state. In the meanwhile Norman has left and Dave took over. Dave asked me whether I enjoy body contact. I didn’t know what he meant and he told me that I had been rubbing my feet against each other for quite a while. For a while I don’t have any visuals, nor any internal noises/sounds. The physical intensity has eased off a bit. A few visuals, but nothing relating to me. Several times the head of a wolf appeared to me on the black screen behind my closed eyes. Still all the visuals were like negative photos. At some points I saw my parents and I realized that both of them were abandoned children. I felt that it had to do with the situation during the war, when they were little, the hardships their parents had to endure trying to keep them safe and alive. And then I realized that they who were abandoned children abandoned their children and so forth, through generations. Then I got a visual of perhaps my earliest experience of abandonment. I experienced myself as a baby and I saw this huge breast approach my face and this breast was my universe, my connection with one-ness, with everything. My mother had stopped breastfeeding me after 6 weeks when she went back to work. This was probably my oldest feeling of abandonment. I saw this like an observer without getting emotional about it, just understanding how things connect in the human psyche.
Dave asked me how my experience was so far and I said: “Fucking awesome.”
Every so often I felt a little bored or I wanted food, not really wanting to eat it of course, I knew better than that, just registering that my stomach was pretty empty. At some point I got a visual of a big wooden mouth that looked like a wooden box, falling shut. The message I got from this was clearly that sometimes it would be good to shut my big mouth. I also understood that the Iboga plant vibrates at a very high rate and that the Iboga spirit is highly intelligent and that the body needed to be prepared for the Ibogaine to do its job that’s why the ramping up of the vibratory level felt so uncomfortable in the beginning. Then I had another realization. When I was little I rejected things to make myself special. When we kids were offered something, I often rejected just to be different. And sure enough in my life I had always made sure that I was not like “the mob”. I instantly realized that that behavior did not go well with a healthy wealth consciousness and I was willing to let it go.
I also got a visual where I saw a girlfriend from my childhood who had chosen to disconnect from me when she had her first boyfriend. I had always believed that it was because of the jealousy of the boyfriend, but it appeared that she turned away from me because I was too dominant. I realized that as a child I did not know that I was dominant. I had no categories in which I could have placed myself or others. I felt a deep regret and I heard myself say internally: “I am so sorry” to her. Another girlfriend of mine with who I had grown apart over a period of years also appeared in my memory and I wondered whether she had felt me to be dominant at some point.
So far nothing that came up was painful for me to look at, probably due to the tremendous amount of work I had done on myself over the years. By now it was early afternoon and I had felt alright and at ease for already a while. I had sent my husband and Dave away because I was comfortable and I did not require constant company. At some point I had a vision regarding the Ibogaine. It told me that it can be used for healing, that infact it had massive healing abilities and that many more people had the chance to benefit from it if it was used for healing. Yes, it can be used for spiritual awakening, but it would reach more people through healing. I saw a big and architecturally very beautiful and impressive Building. It was a clinic and it was our clinic, at least 20 to 30 rooms in it, painted very beautifully in earth and terracotta colour tones. All corners and edges were rounded like you find it with adobe construction. It puzzled me, because I had never seen myself in the healing profession exclusively. I had always worked with emotional, mental and spiritual healing. Some physical healing of course occurs when emotions are being healed, but this clinic looked like a healing facility. And the thought occurred to me that I really don’t want to spend my life around physically sick people. I have quite the horror of hospitals and I luckily never had to check myself into one. Something did not match here. The next scene I saw was me, Norman and Dave sitting around a table sipping drinks from a straw. We were all very well dressed. Next to us in the pool was Kate, sticking her head out and conversing with us. And we were the owners of the estate and the owners of the clinic. And I wondered why we were not in the clinic working and the whole thing made no sense to me. If I own a clinic I will be in there working, but I do not even want to work with sick people. Then I saw a writing that said “Secundum Vitae” and I got even more puzzled. I focused on my buried Latin trying to figure out what that might mean. And I slowly derived that Secundum Vitae means “in help of life”, helping life. That was supposed to be the name of the clinic. And there I had the vision in its entirety. We were supposed to use Ibogaine for healing rather than for spiritual purposes (though one rarely comes without the other). It was about half hour later when it struck me why I was not in the clinic working. It was because I did not have to work myself any more. I had already done my job, the clinic was running smoothly without me being in there and ploughing through 12 hour days seven days a week. That recognition to me was like a joyful explosion of energy. My idea that I have to work very hard, all the time, was annihilated in my cells. A conditioning had dissolved. It truly felt like that to me. At that point I felt as if I was omniscient and omnipotent. I asked the Iboga what it is and it told me that it is a very high intelligence and that it works on the level of frequencies. It comes from a different local (Sanskrit word for “place” or “heaven”).It adjusts the frequencies in people thereby creating healing on many levels. It told me that it its frequency is projected into the Iboga plant by purely intending it to be there. I asked what its intention was and it said: ‘absolute harmony”. It also showed me its form as a mantra, very beautiful. Beauty and truth, truth and beauty, it is the same, Iboga helps to reach this understanding. I also understood that Iboga is doing its job, it does what is supposed to do. I was absolutely inspired by the vision and I knew that I would do everything I could to manifest it. I felt on purpose.
At some point I reconnected with my question from the beginning. It appeared to me that through the Iboga intelligence I connected with the main intelligence which holds everything in harmony, the solar systems, and the planets in their orbits. And I am just a drone doing my job efficiently the way I was designed. But if I am just a drone then what am I? I am a whole, together with everyone else. The whole universe is one organism and it vibrates and we together are what we call God. There is no separation; it is all the same thing. Particles appear and disappear – that is us. We come and go, it does not matter who we are, king or beggar. Maya is that we can go into so many different movies. Then I shift place, I am somewhere else. I am shown the universe; orange-yellow dots come and go. That is us and it is in complete harmony. We are not static particles. Together we are the mystery. Everything is an illusion.
Some information came to me on the topic of enlightenment and I got that the mainstream cannot understand enlightenment. Basically people vibrate at different frequencies and when some reach a frequency with a certain height then people call them enlightened and think that enlightened people experience the same state, but this is really not the case. They just vibrate at a height where most people cannot go and therefore to them they appear the same, but they are not, so throw the idea of enlightenment out the window. Higher and higher levels of frequencies, that is all there is. And Iboga take you to a higher level of frequencies and you can’t get back. That’s it. That is why I experienced some stomach discomfort in the beginning. Iboga changed my frequency and pushed the junk out.
Later in the afternoon Kate came to visit me and I told her my vision and she wrote it all down. Basically the rest of the day I just laid in my bed, also most of the night, not many visions, not much thinking, fairly comfortable. At some point during the night I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I felt very good, tired in the body as if I had climbed a mountain the day before. I felt very clear with no desire for caffeine at all, which is a big thing to me, because I have been caffeine addicted since I was a child. I felt clean, pristine and purified. I was very hungry. I ate a slice of home baked bread with butter and a soft boiled egg and I thought that I had never tasted anything so good. I did not even need the salt on the egg which was also a surprise to me, because I had found out years earlier when I was on a one month cleanse that forbid all salt, that that was even more difficult than not consuming caffeine.
It is 2 weeks later now. I enjoy not being caffeine addicted any more, I get up happy and easy in the morning, no feeling of drowsiness and wanting a cup of tea to be able to face the day. Some things have changed. I feel more in harmony, happier; seem to have less nervous energy. There is more ease between my husband and me. If something bothers me, it lets go of me quickly, within seconds or minutes. I do not have a lot of thinking going on, I am more relaxed, less driven to get things done. My mind does not go in negative spirals in situations where it would have in the past.
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